I am weak

I will boast about my weaknesses. Jesus said "My grace is sufficent for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness".......For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12)

I'm learning more and more how life is so not about me. Every day I learn more and more how selfish I truly am and how I very much do not want to be. Sunday was a wonderful day! We had the opportunity to go to Mae Kha Mu Noie Village and we led a church service in the village church building that Pastor Winai began. It was wonderful! I had the opportunity to preach a message and sing a song. All the children also sang songs for us. It was wonderful. After church was over, we had a delicious lunch, with rice of course being our staple food. After lunch, I figured it was time to go home. I was glad that it was time to go home because I was hot and tired. As we got back into the truck we drove to our destination, which I assumed was home. However, when we arrived at our destination, it was not home but it was the church in Mae La village. We were going to have another church service in this village. You see, Pastor Winai is starting churches in these villages but the churches have not been sent Pastor's so Pastor goes to each church to share the gospel. He does all this without ever complaining and with a true selfless heart that desperately wants to see people know the truth. Here is the selfless man, who's head is hurting him, who can't see out of his left eye, who looks oh so tired, yet he keeps a smile on his face and continues to serve the Lord. Then here's selfish ol' me. I grumpily get out of the car, trying not to show how i'm feeling, but knowing I'm not doing a very good job. I go and sit on the floor of the church and wait for the people to arrive so we could have church. Inside my head I'm saying "Seriously? I just preached this morning, isn't that enough? Didn't I do my duty? I'm tired, I don't want to be here. I'm so uncomfortable. Not that many people even seem to be coming to church." As I sit there and complain to God in my head, I watch as all the children sit around me excited to worship again. Excited to share the gospel. Excited to be sitting in God's presence and bring other people into it as well. While they all thought about others, I couldn't stop thinking about myself and my own comforts. As I sat in the service, I saw a little girl with sores all over her head. She sat and quietly listened to the sermon. I saw as a mother, who was 10 months pregnant, sat and eagerly let Pastor's words fill her heart. I saw as a man grabbed on to every word that came from Pastor's mouth, as he prayed for his child who sat on his lap with a dangerously high fever. Here I was complaining about my own ucomfortableness and around me were selfless people who wanted with all of them to be at that church service. The church service that I didn't even want to have. This is what they look forward to every week. And me I was wanting to take that from them. How weak I am. My own selfish desires clouded the reason I am here. God reminded me that I am here to serve and it's not about me at all. Living beyond myself is living in God. My weaknesses are many and I will boast about that, because God's power is made perfect in my weakness. I realized my strength comes from God. I surrendered this attitude of selfishness, my weak point, to God and it was able to completely glorify Him.

After the service I had the opportunity to talk with the woman who had been carrying her baby for 10 months. As we spoke, the smile never left her sun-beaten, tired, face. I watched as the child with the sores played and laughed and was filled with joy. We went with the man to his home, and saw two of his children who were suffering from extreme fevers. The man and his wife were still full of joy because they know our God is greater than the fever that was attacking his children's bodies. We were able to take the man and his wife and two children to the hospital. My own selfishness would have taken away what God was trying to do. But it's a good thing, God is even greater than my weaknesses and that His power can be great when I am weak.
Every day I'm learning how to be the woman God wants me to be. I'm learning through Pastor, through the precious children, through the many people He brings into my life, through His Word, and through what He brings me through. I pray that God continues to humble me and continues to show me my weaknesses. I will continue to boast about my weaknesses for when I am weak then I am strong.